yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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