He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
