when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
