remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
