Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your cock deserves a montage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
