Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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