We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
