I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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