im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
