Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
