my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
