Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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