The police scanner is talking about you again....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
