I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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