Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize