If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
