Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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