it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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