my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you had me at cake vodka
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
