We're facebook friends in real life
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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