she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
