I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
