At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
