I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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