Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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