You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
