It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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