dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
