She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize