I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
