I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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