i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
