I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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