Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
