I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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