Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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