Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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