So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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