the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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