I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
