I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
