as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
