On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
