Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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