How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
