im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
