No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
