The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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