I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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