Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We need a shit load of segways right now
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
