so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
