Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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