when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
