Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
