I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
