it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
