Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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