No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
