Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
