I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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