you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
