New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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