sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
