Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
