I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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