Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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