I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
