Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
