Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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