I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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