he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize