God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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