I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
