If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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