every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
