I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
