wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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