FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
